Triggered Liberals Are Ban-Happy

Have you heard the news? Liberal progressives (yeah, right) have just woken up to the fact that identity politics is divisive and counter productive. That is, a form of politics that divides people according to race, gender and sexual preference turns out to be divisive. It appears that people prefer to be judged on the content of their character rather than on superficial identity categories. Well, well, who would’ve thought it?

Political correctness isn’t going down quite so well now either, because, much to the chagrin of its enforcers, it’s apparent that we’re capable of treating one another fairly and being polite without having our language and thoughts scrutinized from above. And you know what, it wasn’t really about those things anyway, that whole line is a distraction. PC’s less thoughtful adherents are just now making the connection that political correctness is, let’s see… political.

So please, spare us the whole “what’s wrong with being nice to people anyway?” fallacy. Modern political correctness is a means of coercion, a way of leading people down policy paths they haven’t consented to by preventing them from expressing legitimate concerns. It isn’t racist to question immigration policy. There’s nothing bigoted about criticizing Islam.

And then there’s the current, wearisome trend for unrestrained catastrophizing. Constantly. About every decision that doesn’t go the ‘progressive’ way. But the gasping hyperbole isn’t working anymore, if it ever did. It’s to be hoped that the frantically jabbering oracles of doom are noticing, finally, that there’s a majority of voters who prefer to base their political decisions on logical reflection, rather then hyper-ventilated, unformed emotion.

Breaking down in tears because the UK is going to leave an undemocratic, federally-dreaming EU is ridiculous behaviour. Across the Atlantic, burning flags, throwing insults and tantrums, and holding campus cry-ins because you don’t like the new president appears unhinged. These cloying, snotty-nosed attention seekers have finally lost the plot, and you know what? Nobody cares, snowflakes: your sickly, overwrought feelings are irrelevant.

At City University London, home of one of the best journalism schools in the country, the student union has just voted to ban three of the most popular newspapers in Britain—the Sun, the Daily Mail, and the Daily Express—because they disagree with their editorial lines.

Ordinary citizens up and down the land now line the streets in celebration at this brave stand, as huge bonfires of tabloid filth burn triumphantly in the Autumn… oh no, hang on a minute. No, it actually seems that most people are stunned by the utter, shit-for-brains ludicrousness of banning newspapers from a journalism school.

You might think, though, that we’d have got used to such jaw-dropping campus childishness, what with Oxford University law students being given trigger warnings during parts of their studies, so that the delicate future lawyers won’t collapse like fainting Victorian ladies during lectures. In case you didn’t know, studying law involves READING ABOUT CRIMES, and crimes aren’t very nice.

Presumably, legal chambers across the land have been stocking up on colouring books and Um Bongo to soothe the fragile nerves of their future new employees. Courts are to be redecorated with Peppa Pig wallpaper, and the Thomas the Tank Engine theme music will be piped gently through the air to take the edge off harrowing witness statements.

Don’t be alarmed if you look up in court and your brief has their fingers in their ears and their eyes screwed shut—they’ve been triggered, that’s all, a quick back rub and a little lie down and they’ll soon be back in business.

But of course, mentioning these things reveals my callousness, because the liberal progressives hold a permanent monopoly on kindness. Anyone who doesn’t subscribe to their politics is beyond hope—amoral at best, sadistically cruel in most cases. Such dissenters from the Guardian line are poised, salivating and giggling, in anticipation at ripping up the social contract and inflicting misery on the bewildered, Murdoch-controlled masses.

Meanwhile, spiritually flawless metro-leftists, virtue signalling like holy beacons, attach consecrated safety pins to their robes, tag their entire beings with #NeverTrump, #StrongerIn and #HopeNotHate, and await beatification.

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